Sucking the life out of me

First let me start this off by telling you that generally I am very rational, especially when it comes to spending money.  I am the type of person to take a long time to buy a big purchase. I take time to weigh the pros and cons of spending the money and research the best deal for the product that I decide to spend money on. I like to call this my, "tight wad style." This is the story of how one Kirby sales man took my tight wad style for a ride.

Part one, I run home for what I intend to be a quick lunch break to let my dogs outside and gather yoga clothes for an evening yoga class. Shortly, after letting the dogs outside, there is a knock on the door.
It is a tall young man who offers to shampoo our carpet in one room, for free in exchange for my word that I will recommend their service to a friend. I tell the guy I'm not interested because we have wood floors anyway. He says that they can buff and wax one wood floor. So I agree, telling the guy that I need to be back at work in 20 minutes. He assures me it will take 10 minutes, he asks me to vacuum first so that it will make the process will be quicker and his words of reassurance,  "to get them in and out of here in 10."  

Part 2, the preparation, I bust out

 the trusty ol Hoover Elite Rewind. Vacuum the few area rugs that we have. 

Part 3, Two sweaty vacuum guys show up at the door bringing three boxes. They quickly pull the couch back and move the coffee table.  "The boss" hops back into the unmarked white van and drives off.  Kirby sales guy Daniel introduces himself and begins quickly un packing plastic attachments for what I still think is a floor shampooer, and wood buffer and waxer. Magically, the shiny Kirby vacuum appears, ta da!  Daniel attaches two white filters with glass cases and begins vacuming. He shows me how much dust and hair is extracted by just one short pass of the vacuum. I am shocked! This is when the magic happens, the rational part of my brain, my frontal lobe,  detaches from my body and floats to Mars. 

Part 4, My frontal lobe returns for a moment, and I explain that we don't even plan on keeping this small patch of carpet any how and ask him to use it on the wood floors. He asks if there is any area rugs and I say that there is a wool rug in the bedroom. He responds with excitement, "Kirby is the only rated vacuum for wool rugs, lets take a look!" The white filters go back into the glass circles and in a small pass of the Kirby, heaps of dust and fur is extracted. Poof! My frontal lobe is on a rocket ship to Uranus. Time also magically disappears, I was  due back at work 20 minutes ago now and I send a text to John, with a picture of the magic white filters, "Have u ever heard of a Kirby? Well I am temped to get one. A home sales guy is trying to sell me one." John calls back 30 minutes later and Daniel is talking and moving around the house so swiftly that I miss the call. This is when the high pressure sale begins. He takes $1,000 off the top of the price. Stating that this is a in home one buyer special. He asks me if my husband trusts me to make financial decisions, "of course I respond," with pride. Magically I am signing a contract for TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS. This causes my frontal lobe to mount the rocket ship to return but runs out of fuel and lands on Mars for refueling. The contract is signed and Daniel is waiting for "the Boss" to return in the unmarked white van to pick him up. 

Part 5, John gets home, Daniel is still waiting in the house waiting for the boss to return. Daniel shows John how to use the Kirby and the white van pulls up, Daniel vanishes. 

The accessory that sucked the insides out of my asshole

Part 6,  Woosh, my frontal lobe lands into my skull and I instantly feel a heavy sense of disillusionment and guilt. The story begins to replay and unfold, and I see behind all the magic tricks. First, Daniel began sucking the Kirby, conveniently, where the boss had pulled back the couch and coffee table. I find this the most infuriating magic trick. There is a list of other magic tricks, however I don't feel like going over them now because in that list,  there is one that sucked my insides right out of my asshole.Today will be my quest to return the Kirby, be assured I will return with good news